I sit here wondering what life might have been if I had stayed with you. The memories are a tangled web of joy and regret, and I can’t help but replay them like a film in my mind. I remember the fights, the moments of frustration, but those are overshadowed by the countless moments of joy, laughter, and love. Those cool evening walks—your arm draped over my shoulder—were more than just warmth and protection. They were comfort, a cocoon of love that cradled my heart like a child swaddled in tender care. I can still hear your laughter, that infectious sound, and feel the way you’d pull me close after saying something sweet. You’d look deep into my eyes, a longing reflected in yours, and seal your words with a kiss on my forehead. It was a truth I have not felt since leaving for Dev.

You made the idea of growing old an adventure to look forward to. If I had taken that leap of faith with you, perhaps we’d be sitting on a beach right now, the waves tickling our feet. I never liked the sand, but you made even the grit of it feel like an enchanting experience. With you, I felt alive. Running through grocery aisles, being mischievous and carefree, we were a duo that lived in a bubble of our own making. You had this ability to turn the mundane into magic. And yet, I thought we could recreate that magic forever. I believed eternity was something we could control, something Dev promised but could never truly deliver.

You always spoke of the three E’s of love: Entertainment, Education, and Experience. You embodied them all. You were my comedian, my storyteller, my karaoke partner, my jester, and my muse. The way you entertained me—even with the silliest antics—left a mark on my soul. I smile now, recalling the goofy moments that only you could pull off while still somehow looking cool. You taught me so much: how to drive, how to cook your complicated cultural recipes (even though I still don’t understand why a meal that’s eaten in 15 minutes should take hours to prepare). But it’s the experiences that haunt me the most. They’re like puzzle pieces I’m trying to fit together with fragments from a different jigsaw. Someone—you—is missing.

You always said love was beautiful because it was fleeting, that knowing it wouldn’t last forever made us hold onto it more tightly. I didn’t listen. I thought I could outsmart the finite nature of life. I believed Dev’s promise of eternity would replace the intensity of what we had. How wrong I was. I thought the memory of you would fade, that I’d get so absorbed in this new existence that you’d become just a pleasant story to tell. But every part of this existence without you hurts in ways I never imagined.

I long for the nights we spent parked in your car, screaming songs at the top of our lungs, the city’s restless energy mirroring our own. I miss your touch, your voice, the way your beard brushed against my forehead when we danced in the dark. I miss our quiet evenings with your playlists, the music that spoke for us when words fell short. Those songs are now ghosts, haunting me with melodies that shine a light on how empty Dev truly is.

They want us to share our memories here in Dev, to make the experience richer for everyone. But how can I give them access to something so deeply personal? How would they understand the butterflies I felt when you’d catch me staring and pull a silly face? How can they comprehend the transformation of the serious, stoic man the world saw into the playful soul you became when it was just us? These memories are sacred, fragments of you that I cling to in this digital purgatory.

Every time I voice this, they ask why I left Earth for Dev if it meant leaving behind something so precious. It’s the one question I cannot answer without regret. I’ve made mistakes before, but this one—leaving you—feels irredeemable. It didn’t reshape my life; it extinguished the spark of living. I’ve heard rumours that Negasi has found a way to farm our bodies and send people back to Earth. They deny it, but I want to believe it’s true – it’s a glimmer of hope that keeps me going here. If there’s a chance of going back to Earth, finding my way back to you, I’m ready to hold on to that strand of hope with all that I have. Earth, for all its flaws, was home. Especially with you, it still is.

But what would I find if I returned? Have you moved on, sharing your magic with someone else? You were the one who created those moments, who made life feel electric. I was just the fortunate recipient. Would you even remember me as vividly as I remember you? Or are you praying, somewhere, that I’ll find my way back to you? The thought of returning and finding you gone terrifies me. Yet staying here, trapped in memories and longing, is its own kind of torment.

I’ve tried to put this into words, but it all comes down to this: I miss you. I miss us. I hope, wherever you are, you hold me in your heart as I hold you in mine. Here, in this glittering void, I promise to treasure your memory for eternity. It’s worth more than a thousand lifetimes of hollow existence.

Earth had its challenges, but you made it worth enduring. I thought I’d never regret coming to Dev, but here I am, drowning in songs you gave meaning to, songs that now echo with emptiness. This existence—all its glitter and glory—cannot compare to the warmth of your love. It’s you I miss, and it’s you I will always long for.

I will always love you, Lawrence!